A LETTER TO MY MOTHER'S YOUNGER SELF

When I look in the mirror, I see that I am your reflection.  I know that I manifested from you and your experiences.  I wondered growing up on what were your experiences.  I wondered because I knew your experiences made you strong. Your experiences tested your strength to surpass all things.  Do you remember your younger self?

 

I wondered what you went through in your younger self.  The obstacles that you went through. When you knew what was right for you, the strength you had to go for it.  I wondered your perseverance.  I wondered your journey when everyone told you "NO".  How did you go for it anyways? Do you remember your younger self?

 

When I see you, I light up because I only pray to be half of you one day.  I want to have the strength of a Zimbabwean younger self going to nursing school, moving to the states, having a loving husband, and two children. 

 

One of those children was me.  I lived a privilege life and I am an extinction your hard work.  Now, I am young adult making life choices. I know that I am only a reflection and have to experience my own life. However, I knew that I was there in your younger self.  I was there when you were figuring out yourself.  I was here in your unsurity and I was there in your happiness.  I was the manifestation in your womb until I came to life.  Do you remember your younger self?  I became a reflection of you.  I never forget it what it means to be a refection of my mother's younger self.

 

I hold that responsibility with honor.

The power to serve

Question of the Time: How often does a woman offer the most meaningful service to God by doing what seems to be the least important thing to the world?

In the Bible, The seacost city of Joppa was no longer the same after Dorcas returned to life.  Upon hearing and seeing the miracle of the living Dorcas, many turned to the Lord and believed.  No doubt this generous disciple, gifted with skilled fingers and a heart for the Lord, picked up her needle and thread and continued her compassionate and benevolent ministry to all who live around her. 

There is no spiritual gift too small.  This woman had a spiritual gift that lifted many up in glory of the Lord.  As I sat in church, I saw the gift of dance lift up a whole church.  Going into the new year, I am quite center in my light and still am going into the next year glorify the Lord.  I know that he does not make any mistakes and every obstacle brought before me handling it.  At the end of the day, I only strive to serve him and listen to his voice.  The people may not understand my decisions but know this. I have seek counselor in all I do and will never hinder my spiritual gifts to jeopardize any of it. 

A woman holds so many hats of being a lover, child, wife, mother, cousin, sister, and many more.  A woman has the power to serve.  The power to serve what a gift.

Question of the Time: How often does a woman offer the most meaningful service to God by doing what seems to be the last important thing to the world?

"Always, realizing that, at times, only God will know how important that service is in the life span of those you serve."-Wanda Ebright

THE TIME IS NEAR

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqOqo50LS

As I look back on how time heals, I reflect back on how much that I have grown.  He has been gone for every it seems and I still think about him.  But, I never loosed myself.  I became a stronger version of me.  I learned how to lean on God even more.  I was reminded about a story in the Bible that tells about the birth of Issiah.  He was born on human action.  For his mother told his father, have sex with the maid and he he came out.  Issiah was a hassle to raise.  Fourteen years later Issac came, God was going to bless them anyways with a child but they lost patience.  Through this process, I have learned that I am loved by many.  I have learned not to act by fear when making decisions.  I have learned to be patient taking one day at a time.  Many people, they say that everything happened to him and i because we are not for each other.  However, I could not erase the fact that direct feeling when I meant him.  I knew than and I know now to take my time allowing to manifest on God's timing.  Until then, I pray for my love ones to trust my relationship with God and allow me to take time in my decision.  The time is near.

What I am reading?

In a lounge "Red", I came across this book called "A love of her own" by Cheris F. Hodges.  Red is located in Noda Charlotte, NC. I am so happy to come across  this book. It is really hard for me to put it down.  It is a romance novel but it really is about allowing yourself to really live your life not the life everyone wants you to live.  Now, I am only half way through the book. It may have a twist at the end but it is what I am getting out of it thus far. 

 

This weekend, I have been off and the weekend is over. It went by so fast but I still felt productive in a way.  What I did? wrote in my journal, slept alot, watch plenty of TV, read, and church.  The perfect weekend.  I did look back and this weekend last year. I actually was with a whole different family and the family that raised me.  I never thought about it until now.  I do wonder: how my family felt?  Not to have me for Christmas, I assume that they understood.  You know that we should never assume.  They probably just dealt with it. 

Looking back, I became a woman this year. I really came in my own.  It is funny because at 14 years old. I thought that I was woman then. However, I really became a woman on this age of 26 years old. I really did not know anything at 14 years old and I still have a long ways to go.   My mother's birthday is today.  She is my inspiration because I only pray to be half the woman of her.  She is amazing in her own light.  She has rising above so many struggles and she still stands strong with grace.  I am my mother's daughter. One day, I want us to stand as woman and just acknowledge each other.  Just tell each other, you doing good woman.  Happy Birthday mother and may more wisdom come your way.Wow! I am excited to see what this new year will bring. One thing, I know for sure that I will stand for righteous.

It is not that heavy

Dear Readers,

Today, I put myself in full exposure. For months, I have held something truly heavy in my heart. The core of my hurt that I do not want to dishonor the people whom birth me.  When you are birthed, you are made up of all their entailed.  They gave you life and made you whom you are.  Then, you grow up and you hold all that in you.  It becomes your duty to never dishonor that because it is whom you are. 

For the past months, I had a great wind in my life that interrupted all of that so I thought.  But, it is because of my upbringing, I know that I am stronger. I know that my choices must be in God's eyes. I learned that from watching it during my upbringing. I learned not even knowing it because they never said it out loud. They just lived the testimony of what its like to walk truly in God's light.  I had a great wind in my life not to interrupt but made me give it all to the Lord because the first time in my life. I have to make a real choice. 

So, I am faced with the biggest decision in my life.  It is not that heavy but whatever the choice. I know that its a choice that I have to live with my entire life.  So, I want to thank my birthing of giving me sound advice to really think of what am I doing. I truly listen.Without them, I will not even think of the realm of what I deserve.  I hate to tell them to wait on my decision because it hurts them dearly.  In my own process, I have to do this.  So, I let everything go so I could pray and ask God. What do you want me to do? I do not want it heavy on my heart anymore. I know it is not suppose to be heavy when you trust God.  

I am praying about it every day and all I need is time to wait for the answer. I am now walking in my spiritual walk not my walk of what I want but what I need. 

To my readers, I urge you to think about your choices. It shall not be heavy.  If it is what truly needs to be, let it be and seek God for guidence in your choice.  I say this because I myself has to work on this.  I am truly am blessed to have a circle of support around me and my intentions are to never dishonor them and I know whatever my choice its going to be. It will be a difficult one not heavy either way.  I trust God will guide me through it all. Question: What are you holding heavy on your heart and is it truly that heavy? 

"The true test of walking in the spirit will not be the way we act but the way we react to the daily frustrations of life.-Beverly LaHaye



ONLY GOES UP FROM HERE

Dear readers,

I work over night.  When the morning comes, I get so sleepy but on Sundays I must go to church.  Some Sundays are harder to go to church after I worked all night, I do anyways because my God.  I have to hear the word. If I did not hear the word, I will be holding back from learning. 

This year has been a learning lesson for me.  I am really learning to let God be my core.  In this life of mine, things are going up.  My biggest dream is to be an arts administrator and run my dance company.  I am getting there. Recently, the world is just lining up for me.  I only can go up from here. 

It took a long while to really let it go to God.  When I did, WOW!  I know what you’re thinking. I thought the same thoughts about people putting their trust in God.  Everything was going so bad for me, I was wondering: Where is this God that people talk about?  Well, when nothing was going right for me, I searched for the Lord.  I accepted him as my Lord and savior. I learned about him in church and my own reading.  I am still growing in the word. 

As I grow, my life is getting a lined.  It only goes up from here.

To meet the love of your life....

It will be a sad thing to meet the love of your life and never be with him.  Ladies and gentlemen, I have meant the love of my life and due to  circumstances people say don't be with him.  Now, these people are just not people.  They are my family and everything they say its true.  They are right about everything about the man I love.  He may never change. 

So, I had to ask myself: am I willing to take on everything beyond the love?  Beyond the love, we have fiances, direction of some kind of career, life, family issues he never got over not having a mother, a son, no credit, record, and many more. That's! his resume that I knew from the beginning.  Every reason, my family can't accept him. I completely see why too don't you?

But, I had the opportunity to meet the love my life.  I laughed more than ever and found someone deeply to understand the core of me. He supports me in all I do.  His a great father.  He has dreams bigger than himself.  He holds me so tight that I just know this world is not that brutal after all.  However, his not here and I wish everyone will stop reminding me to let him go.  Let me make that decision because all I can think of: "To meet the love of your life and you can not be with him.  That's the saddest love story."

Love stories are suppose to be fairytales and whose to say mine won't be.  Are fairytales only in the storybooks for kids?