I remember when it was a not so cold night. However, it was December so late around 2am and just turned into the next day. Tears were rolling down his face. He collapsed onto my legs on one knee. I remember thinking: is this it? The moment girls dream about their entire life and its happening to me. I must admit that I never dreamed of this moment of engagement but it happen to me. A man asked me to spend their entire life with me. I said: "I do"
I meant it with my entire heart. For the longest time, my greatest "I do" moment that I dreamed about was my dance career. I always dreamed about dancing on a big stage and the whole world watching me dance expressing my true self. However, this moment, I lost myself in his eyes and I wanted him. I told myself the rest of my life that I follow alongside with him. I said: "I do"
Just like the wind blows into another season, my life did the same. In one moment, the date May 27, 2012. My life blew into another season. In one moment, I felt half of me just ripped out. Yes, my relationship felt that connected and his soul was ripped out of me. As soon as it happened, I was questioned from others about my love for him. I was expected to let him go in a instance. But, they do not understand. I said: "I do"
The reason why his soul was ripped out of me because he had his past catch up to him. You see he had a kept secret so deep from me and others. His secret was revealed in full affect. His secret that kept him from me. It kept him away for me for good this time. I final found out the THING that held over his head and it was his secret. Even if his secret has kept him away for me. I am happy that he finally is facing his responsibility in the rarest form. I said: "I do"
In the meantime, I go through many emotions of confusion, hurt, fear, doubt, happiness, and just pure left in darkness. So, you want to know how it feels for your other half to be ripped out of you unexpectedly? It sucks but there's God. So, do not feel sorry for me, hoping you could fix it. Let me go through the life experiences.
God has lifted me up like always. He has forced me to look at my reflection and ask myself what I really want. In honesty, I just want peace so I could move forward. I realize that I could not be any one's happiness especially someone who holds secrets. So, I may not ever get the answers of why the love of my life did what he did. i am not angry. I love him so much not to be. However, I do know one thing. I said: "I do"
I say: "I do" to my lord and savior to guide me through this difficult time because I know his trying to show me something better. It hurt me what I went through with my love. Guess what? I am still standing and I am living still to the fullest. One thing, I have learned that life moves forward. I am able to do that with God. God has shown me time and time again his healing so I am listening. I do not know where I am going in life but I do know this. His showing me how to get to my peace."
I say: "I do"
