The love of my life said the other day "my baby is so nice that it may be confused that she is naive but she is not at all." That is right. I do stand on my own two feet and see all these things happen before it happens. However, it is inside of me to trust people first before they break my trust. I live by this and it has not serve me well at all.
I DO GET UPSET WHEN MY TRUST IS BROKING
Today my trust was broking and to someone that I never expected. I trusted them my whole life.
I LEARNED SOMETHING TODAY
I learned that people are human. My philosophy is not bad at all even if it has not brought me good results at times. My philosophy is to trust people first but like my father always says "trust but verify."
I have seen alot of things lately. People surprise me daily good and bad. I am still trusting and it has brought me wonderful things in life as well.
ON TRUSTING PEOPLE
People are still human so that means their sinners. I trust and verify now. I trust with my whole heart and pray for the best. I do not want to hold grudges because someone broke my trust. I want to live on and keep it moving.
Lord knows my mistakes and I had lots of second chances. So yes! my trust has been broken with many people but I decide to keep it moving and bring forgiveness in my heart.
QUESTION: HAS YOUR TRUST BEEN BROKING AND HAVE YOU HELD ON TO THAT PAIN TOO LONG?
Yesterday, it was a bad day but today even worse. I was driving to the career center so I could start getting a job related to my career goals. It surprises me that I never had assistance before. The world has really put my age group (21-25 years) out in the cold air expecting us to pay all these loans, bills, and more.
IT SUCKS
However, my faith is stronger. Instead of sitting around crying about it, I decided to say "no" and see what I am satisfied about. I am not happy with the position I am in life. I have two Bachelor of Arts Degrees and I am working on my Masters. I am at a job and I do love my job but I know there is something more for me. I will like to utilize my education and skills more. That's all whether it is at my current job or somewhere else and it pays properly for the work that I do.
I WAS IN HIGHER ED SCHOOL FOR FOUR YEARS
They say that undergraduate is like getting a high school diploma now. Well I got the two undergraduate degrees and it has served me well. It got me a job in South Africa but I missed home so much in the states and I came back home. It has been harder for me here to go for the American dream. I am hopefully now working on my graduate degree and the job that I am in now is customer service. The people that I come across daily at work has really kept me hopefully for something more.
THESE POSITIVE THOUGHTS HAS KEPT ME FAITHFUL DURING MY ANXIETY ATTACK.
Today I was driving and it hit me. All my emotions. I just got overwhelmed. I was just tried. I have been working hard. living honestly. and just busting my self to death trying to get to a better life. My heart was in my throat at this point when all these thoughts were running pass my head and I just busted out crying. I really could not go through my day.
BUT I DID
I sat in my car and I prayed. I told the Lord to remind me of my current blessings. Slowly I stopped crying and began to focus on my present. The reason why I was in my car because I was driving to my new apartment to sign a lease. This is one of my blessings. If I could afford a new apartment, I am not bad off. I started to see that I know love and get love in return from my family, boyfriend, and strangers. That is a blessing.
THROUGH FAITH, I OVER CAME MY ANXIETY AND LIFE KEEPS ON MOVING ON FOR ME.
QUESTION: WHAT ARE YOUR BLESSINGS IN LIFE?
I am in a transition in my life. Ok! I know that I am always in a transition but this time is different. I had left my hometown searching for something more and really be an example to my peers and the youth. The way that I did this. I moved to an unfamiliar place.
The move has been a wonderful journey. I am in graduate school. I have a job. I am a freelance dancer that already has performed in Blumenthal's Spirit Square Theatre. I just recently got a new apartment that fits me better. I move this week.
THINGS ARE HAPPEN...
Honestly, I want more. Before I left my hometown, I fell in love with this wonderful guy. I miss daily. Ok! I miss him every second of my existence. Honestly, I had some good relationships but this one relationship has really tested me to open my heart. Open my heart WIDE open.
QUESTIONS HAVE SURFACED
My question to myself. Am I really happy at the point that I am in life? My answer is that I am satisfied. But I want more. I want to have a better relationship with the lord. I want to dance more. I want my company to have a building that we could call home. I want to spend more time with the love of my life. I want to see my family more. I want to read more about everything in the world. I want to be able to go to more outings. I want to love harder.
I WANT. I WANT. I WANT.
My love will say than get busy. I can have all of these things right now. So what is blocking me to having things to a better life. I am blocking me. Oh! yes we are still at this point readers but I am acknowledging it. I am taking one step at a time. I am still growing. Will you grow with me.
QUESTION TO READERS
What is stopping you from your deepest desires?
