2011-something different

I learned today there really are some GOOD people out there

Coming back to my hometown was the therapy that I needed.  When I was growing up, i wanted to get out of my hometown so bad. After living in the city for some time now, it took a lot out of me. I was literally emotional drained.



I have been home for a year now.  When I thought I could not take anymore, my hometown healed me by just showing me some love. It took a whole year for me to be home to actually feel that love.



I woke up today. Yes! I. I thought that I was lost for some time. But I am back and a little love brought me BACK.



I learned today there really are some GOOD people out there. To my LORD, church family, moms, dads,bro, extended family, Arts Council of Beaufort, Burton Wells Recreation Center, the kids at AWOL, my new gym GetFit, my eyelash lady Beautique Lash and Brow, Deanna's ballet class, my Company, MufukaWorks Dance, Ian Hart trainer, my friend Zenk, my friends and new friends in beaufort, OF COURSE my friends in South Africa,every stranger that i talk to, everyone....



ALL OF YOU HEALED ME....MORE THAN YOU EVER KNOW. Now I am going on this station of a conference call connecting me to many people called JIREH JUNCTION. Giving words of wisdom....my words of wisdom are your words because you were apart of getting back I.  

I'm a writer

I have 30 different journals, 2 blogs, newsletter, grad school papers and I facebook notes all the time.  No! never wrote a book and not really planning to but I am a writer. I use writing as a therapy and I just record everything.  I feel a sense of relief afterwards because I just let it all out through my pen. 

I really do get over it after I write about it.  Now! when it comes to formal writing, I do get stress out and I wonder if my formal papers are in correct form. The process of writing formally stresses me out but a form of therapy in it self.

A cup of tea. I started my day off. A prayer. I started my day off. A Bible reading from the book of Luke. I started my off. A blog writing. I started my day.

I wanted to state today. I'm a writer. It is my therapy.

christmas sunday

it has been exactly a year. a year ago that i sat in my chair at my now home church.  i came to listen but than became a member of the church.  i just knew that it was my home church. i had never been a member of church and i had no idea that it will be the vehicle of my growth.

i have grown and i did not even know how much.  i read a quote that your dancing tells who you are. well...today i performed a dance piece, i came to a realization that i have grown. it was a beautiful thing.  a great day today and top it off...it snowed today....right in the south. now! that does not happen everyday

a morning at city java

ok! i started my day off with an intense workout at GetFit around six am and headed straight to my favorite coffee shop, city java. it was here that i reflected on everything that has been going on and I got some writing down for my mentor.  My mentor wanted me to write about my fears and goals in my life.  I had all these thoughts in my head but writing it down this morning really put things in prospective for me.  One of my fears was that I will never be loved like before....In my last post, I wrote about not being able to stop crying about him.  When I wrote about one of deepest fears of never being loved like that before, I realized that it is not a fear for me anymore because I don't want to be loved like that again.

Love is unconditional

Before obviously I did not have that from him, will i stop wasting my tears on him.  IN TIME...it will happen and I move on.  Every day has been a new day and I am focused now on the good work that Lord is perfecting within me. 

Life goes on...

UPDATE: the ATL trip was lovely.  I got an inspiration from it. By the way I saw Black Nativity in ATL, you should go see it. http://www.truecolorstheatre.org/.. Kenny Leon's Theatre Company. 

Traveling

Yesterday, I watched "Dear John"....Yes Ladies! I set myself up. It got me thinking of my first love. I was balling my eyes and I could not stop crying. It was awful.

Then I started crying because I was upset that I was crying.

I thought that I was over this guy. I guess not. I was not over him. My mentor from church asked this week to write down my biggest fears. One of them was that I will never be able to love so deeply again.  I should not be fear this....but I am. 

I loved hard during those eight years of relationship. I did....well! right now I am at a field trip in ATL...gots go...will finish later.

THOSE KIDS?

THOSE KIDS?

This morning I came across a woman.  This woman is Caucasian, elder, and nice.  I am being political correct because it is needed.  She saw my outfit and asked me: Are you going to work?”  I replied “No” I am going to the library for my studies and my work is at night.  I teach dance at a recreation center.

She paused and said: “Oh! Those kids, they need that.  We began to talk about things.  It was only during my walk to the library that I wondered what she meant by “those” kids.

My MufukaWorks Dance Education Program is open to everyone without discrimination.  I teach all ages even up to 101 years old.  Regardless of their race, appearance, money, I was raised to look at just the person alone. 

As I wondered: What did she mean by those kids? Her PAUSE actually answered for me.  The recreation center that I teach at happens to be one of the nicest facilities in the Beaufort County.  Inside they are a mixture of all walks of life.  There is no THOSE kids, it is only “One Blood.”  It is possible all she knew was the unsettle reputation of the surrounding area not the center.  However it was obvious she was not aware.   I know that some of you may think that I am judging this nice lady but let it be known that dance is life.  It is my life to deal with bodies every day.  I read body language like sign language.   Her pause came with a whole body language in itself.    Her eyes got smaller and she showed sympathy towards me by her up and down nodding. 

My mother told me:  “You cannot change the world.”  I know this but I can try living the way I connect to the world.  I am a people person and I truly see, “ONE BLOOD.”  Just maybe people could jump on the bandwagon with me; they too could look at the person alone and see those kids as kids. 

 

he reminds me every day....

He reminds me every day why i do what i do....i am a dance teacher with comes with choreographer, grad student, mentor.  BUT if i was to define myself through my job, I am a teacher. i love it.

between all my different dance teaching jobs through my company....even i go through struggles financially, just figuring out where I'm going to get money for gas. even if i do go through struggles personally, i wonder when will i get rest. even creatively, i wonder what will be next piece.

then...once i began to worry. he gives me something to remind me...today's reminder was in a child's eyes...her progress has just gone up since i was working with her. that is the greatest feeling for me to witness a student's growth.

at the moment, one of my dance contracts is with an non-profit organization, AWOL in Savannah, ga (seriously this organization has their stuff together). i am one of their choreographers for their production. its one of the most amazing experiences that i have been apart of...i am just now coming back from them. Savannah is a over than an hour drive from my home.

but it is worth it, just to see the students growing using this vehicle of the arts...its worth everything.

he reminds me every day why i do what i do everything....this was just one example

sleep

At the moment, I am sitting in the library. Finding difficult in writing my reflection paper for grad school, the reflection paper is really for us to reflect on the weekend. However the reality is its still a paper my professors will read it and it will reflect back on me of my writing skills

SO that is why its hard to start the paper, it does not get easier.  On the flip side, I have been rehearsing the dancers intense. Not only my company members but the dancers for A Christmas Wish Gullah Kinfolk...on top of that I am gyming at GetFit in Lady's Island, SC. My body is screaming....GO SLEEP....TAKE A BREAK....

It is screaming and I have not listened. All in all I when I sat down to write that paper. I was falling asleep. My spirit is still up just tried

MY COMPANY PERFORMS AT THIS PRODUCATION

anixety

Anixety! I did not have this word in my vocabulary until this morning.  I had it in my vocabulary this morning because last night I could not sleep . Literally I laid my head down for three hours and I woke up just crying thinking of the past and the future.  i had so much stuff inside me that I finally let it out. 

Over and over...I went through my head of wondering whatever happen to that person maybe i should stayed in that counttry. Why did i go to that school?

Maybe i will not be in the situation that i am in now. You wonder, what situation?

The situation of having anixety in my vocabulary.  As i turned on my Christian radio station (88.7), a pastor was talking about anixety and preaching on it not being Godly.

Immediately I was like that was exactly what I had last night. Anixety!

HIS RIGHT! It is not Godly

For a moment, I forgot where God had brought me out of to get me to this not so bad point.  I forgot about having moment of realization: I had to go through that to be able to understand deeper about some things.  So when I was closer to where I want to be. I will remain strong in his word and not crumble.  I forgot for a moment that he promised me never to leave me.  I forgot about his unpedictable love.  I forgot for moment that my purpose is to serve him and most of all be the image of his son, Jesus Christ.

The whole reason why he brought him here to show us; how to live...

How could I forget so easily? When I was there in a unknown country.  It was him who protected me.  How could I forget so easily when he blessed me with my own company? As soon as it got harder, I broke down into a word, anixety. 

This morning during that sermon. I had a name for not sleeping last night. After that sermon, I realize that I need to repent on not trusting my Lord. 

Anixety was in my vocabulary this morning and is out of my vocabulary now.

WHO AM I? VIDEO STYLE

did you ask me?

did you ask me? am i ok! before you just go into telling me your day, did you ask me if i was ok.  ponder that in your head for awhile.  take a moment and ponder that into your head.

your so self consumed, you probably don't even know.  if you asked me if i was ok or not....

well, you did not.  you did not ask me if i am ok. 

today, i was not ok.  i have big decisions to make and im not even half ready to make one decision.  this bothers me and it would be so awesome to talk about it to you. 

but i held back my life and i listen to you again.  i listened about all your problems and how the world is so unfair to you. i listened to all of it. 

in a hour passing. it was about you again and i wondered if i could have a listener in my life.  why do i have to be the listener to you. where is my listener?  where i could realize the frustrations of my day. 

unfortunately you are not it....so i wrote today in my journal.  my journal does not talk. i found my listener.

LASH EXTENSIONS

YES! I TOOK CARE OF MYSELF TODAY. I GOT MY LASHES DONE....RIGHT HERE IN BEAUFORT, SC http://www.derma-chic.net/......

block

do you create blocks with in you?  i know your thinking what kind of question is that but really.  do you create blocks? defination: a block is something that you create with in yourself because of a certain thing that happen to you.  example: i have a created a block with in myself and did not even realize it. 

i use to date someone a long time ago and i loved so hard.i was loved back for a some period on time. the relationship ended badly and i did not hold any bitterness toward it. well...so i thought.  it is until i got into another relationship of some substance.  i realize that i held a BLOCK.

i was not allowing myself to love so hard.  this created a block within myself not allowing another to get too too close.  i ended that relationship and i did not know exactly why...i just knew it was not right.

what was not right...i was not healed previously....

im realizing now as another relationship is beginning to kettle...im not allowing to get deep again. ok! now its a pattern

i realize it really....so i have this block. need to get ride of it.  

ITS BEEN A WHILE I KNOW...

I will begin to let you why it has taking me so long. You know, my leg got injured to the point that I could not walk.  It has been an adjustment. I did not cry when the accident happened. I was ok...I just kept talking to God and asked him what is next. My leg is healing now and I had a journey.

Between juggling my life with dance and all, he brought me through.  He provided me with my dance assistant to dance in my absent and I had the time to focus on things with school and office work.

MOST importantly myself.

I realized that I must put God in the forefront of everything that I do. He has enable me to make decisions some harder than others. BUT I know that these decisions are what is best for.

To my readers, I am here now so follow me on my walk

A sunday and A sermon

Ok! I have admitted it. I have not gone to church in the last month and some weeks. I went to church for some accountability.  Boy! I receive it.  Through my pastor, God spoke to me. We talked about acting with the flesh also once Saved always saved. I am saved but I must say that I have NOT being serving him of his deserving. I forgot his Love for me.

I forgot his love that he showed me. Bringing me with many blessings and I am not showing the Love in return but worst my broking fellowship on God could had a bad affect on others. What had happen was I was serving him through my flesh.

When faced with certain things I could not handle temptation. Now! it is a new ball game going with the lead of Genesis 27:1-28:9.

"A good begining does not mean a successful end."
Lead me Lord...

I woke up

I woke up this morning with a new attitude and I am so ready to do what I do.  I know in my heart that I am meant for something great. With that said I woke up with a new attitude.

I woke up thinking: "Dance is Life and Life is Dance."

I woke up thinking: "Family is everything."

I woke up thinking: "He saved me for a reason."

I woke up

it hurts sometimes

when no one outside your family gets you, it hurts sometimes.

for i shall not focus on that so much. i shall focus on the purpose God has for me. i pray for direction. help me.

i WAS NOT MADE TO SIT

Today I really got some work done.  What work? Personally I had got some reading done, a quote that came across to me in my reading: "Power is discovering and nurturing your greatness, she says, "Each of us has a uniqueness that is GOD-given." -elle L.J Edmondson Bell, Ph.D. She makes sense to me, her words started off my morning in a positive light. Just like that, I jump started my work for my company and grad school. Most importantly I started off my work on me, I have had a few ideas running through my head in the last past weeks and finally I got time to seat down to shimmer it. 

It is important to shimmer....

Family is important

As I leave to go back to my hometown after a long weekend away, I took time to talk to my cousin for my see you later. In the mix of the conversation, I thought about what will it be to not have family.  I thought about the time that I was in South Africa without my family in my visual presence. 

I didn't cope well. For I was in South Africa before I knew myself, a dangerous time to be away because I could have gotten into some serious trouble.  It was the thought of my family that kept me sane....

So if I did not have my family where will I be? I will be in depression on my own; I will always think that I am alone; every problem that I have will seem like the end of the world; worst of all when I did not believe in myself there will be no one to tell me: "I believe in you."

Now he has a plan for everyone but I believe in his plan for me. He knew that to preserve my true purpose. I needed family.

When I think about it, family is important to me. At the moment I made a pet stop on my way to my hometown to see my brother.

As I write this I think of my long weekend and I needed it. What did I need? some sleep and some positive insight from some one who really seen my journey. It is keeping me going.

Here is to family

Good Morning!

For the past few days I just slept, if you ever get an opportunity to do that please do. I was feeling sorry for myself and all I really needed to do was just sleep. After my relaxation I released something. I must live life and do me. Things will come...Later on today I will be taking a class with April Berry I am so excited. There is a alot of work for me to do this week so I must concentrate. For now I am smelling the roses. really smelling them. Have a good day!

TAKE TIME TO REFLECT

I encourage you to take time to reflect. At this moment I am told that I have a lot going for me.  As I look at my life I guess to the outside eye that is true.  Why do I want more? and I am not appreciate of what I have.

Less than a year ago I wanted to be back with my family and now that I am here with them. I want more now...and more...

So what do I want alot of things but once I have it will happiness come.  That is when I took time to reflect.  After my grad school yesterday I was so encourage by all the information giving me so I slept. I really slept and now it is Sunday. I am just relaxing...reflecting on my life and future. What am I discovering today I need sleep, live in the present, and go from there.

IMPORTANCE OF HAVING COURAGE

One of my juggles in life is graduate school,  it is one of my juggles but all my juggles are connected.  In graduate school today we had a speaker (sculptor/professor). He made valid points through out his presentation of being an artist.  A perfect speaker for me today because it set me up of what the Art Transit Program is about. 

The Art Transit Program has Public Art and he has his art in this program.  Through out his presentation he shares the process of creating his art. One of the points that grabbed my attention was "IMPORTANCE OF HAVING COURAGE."

I needed these words of encouragement.  As an artist I strive to create something different.  My art is dance and I must have courage with in myself to push the envelope.  With that say I must have courage to FAIL....

Failing is not failure because with failing you always learn something from it.  These past months I a  learning something from failing.  I was failing to connect to my community about my art of dance.   I was failing because for some reason I am not creating a diverse audience.

My audience seems to be of similar backgrounds.  As an artist I strive to connect to all backgrounds.  So I am back into the creative side of how to connect to all backgrounds.  I learned today in graduate class of paying attention to detail because I might come up with something different. 

I must say today...

I am sleepy....

Alot of information has come to me at once today...it needs time to sink in. This weekend I will reflect and will start taking my graduate school to the fullest extent of appreciating every moment. 

Oh! you are THE dancer.

In November, it will be exactly one year since I have been back home.  Before I was in "Jozi" South AFRICA (the big city of GOLD) and now I am back home to my small town in the States. A big difference for me to shift back into a town that I call home.

After my ballet class today, I went to the health food store. As I was ordering some items I gave her my name and she said you are THE dancer. I come from a small town but big enough to not be known by everyone.  So when the health food store lady, people in Wal-Mart, and all the different people at coffee shops that I go to recognize me. It touches me.

It touches me because these people whether I knew them or not. These are the people that kept me going through out my career.  When I was in South Africa (not knowing anyone), I felt lonely at times but I thought about the bigger picture.  The bigger picture was living the dream for the people at home. That a small town girl could make it anywhere with just a little faith. 

I thought about my town and how diverse it is in culture. 

I was in South Africa for two years. During those two years the beginning development steps of my company, MufukaWorks were forming. I wanted to dance the stories of my town that kept me sane all during those two years  also a touch of South Africa. So I begin to write ideas and how I will like my dance company to form. After a good two years, I came back to my home town to develop my company.

Oh! you are THE dancer. To be recognized once in awhile keeps me going it reminds that my ideas of dancing back in my home town was not such a bad idea. Moving back to my home town is starting over for me.  For my town does not know me as the professional dancer because my professional dance work was outside of my home town. 

So I have to prove myself to them.....it is a challenge and some know what I am intending to do but some do not. It is another journey for me and I am up for it.

Oh! you are THE dancer and one day my students will get the same response.  Whether they are lawyers, doctors, or etc. in their future life, they will always carry the dance within them.

LIFE GOES ON...

I am sitting in the library and I came across a kid with a uniform on. The uniform was from Thomas Heyward Academy. Thomas Heyward Academy (THA) is my old school. I went there from 5th to 12th grade. It set me up for my whole life.  My father sent there because it has great accrediation.  I did not realize how it prepared me for life until I lived life. Living life is tested when your on own. Being on my own for me, it means paying my bills by finding work. Making every day decisions by not depending on someone else telling me what to do. All in all standing on my own two feet even when people are against me. 

THA instilled these lessons in me. By allowing me to have school pride, it build confidence within me.  Giving me the opportunity to have special attention in my studies, I never felt left behind.  It taught me to build my character and discover who I am.  I came from a different background then most of my peers. I strived for their acceptance. I recieve their acceptance when I finally realized to just be me. 

Even if I came from a different background and race, they saw me only.   They showed their love in return by voting me Homecoming Queen.   I won and at 24 years old that title should just be a title.  But to me it is everything; I look back at time all the time. When I face trails in my life of people being against me for my outside appearance or background. AND THAT TIME....it reminds me that people can see you just for you.

Now....the power of school pride lives on to another kid. It is spirit week at THA and his telling me all about it..his so happy, the point is he is talking about his school. If the school does not have pride, how do you expect the kids to have pride within themselves. 

Even if I graduated in 2004, I realize that life goes on but how do you connect everything so you can move forward to a better life.

Heres to DEAR OLE THA.....

A morning coffee

This morning I was on time, I made it for my Yoga Class at Dancing Dogs Yoga. Lately my body has been challenged and I needed something to get it back into alignment. I also like that I have to be somewhere at a certain time.


Owning my own business does gives me freedom with time. But it does become complicated at times because I have to fully commit myself to a schedule or things will not be done. Some times I do feel like sleeping all day but I can not do that. I have a lot to do. People to see. and dreams to make happen.


ha ha ha ....i just had to go there.


So I did my yoga got centered and all. Now...my MORNING COFFEE. A bitter in taste but has a sweetness to it. Just like me...what a perfect cup of coffee but the setting in the coffee shop is even more perfect. Just across from me is a young man with blond hair, I have seen him here before. He hunches over his laptop and is very uneasy with his body language. He always gets up abruptly and rushes for another cup of coffee. and then he sits back down and hunches over his laptop again. BACK TO WORK. (I see him saying with his body language)


I have noticed him but I wonder if he has every noticed me. Not like I have a weird crush or something. If I liked someone, I will definitely go and tell him.  But I wonder if he has every noticed me in a sense of observing on what is on the outside world. Early this morning before leaving Yoga, I was listening to the radio and they were discussing technology destroying face to face communication with people. If there was no wi-fi, I will be sitting here with no laptop and just the coffee and so will the guy across from me.....


Will it force some kind of conversation? Possible so....or if there were no wi-fi, we will probably not be sitting here in the first place.  So these are two points, all in all does technology ruin face to face communication? and how will it be ten years from now.


I guess we just have to trust our parents to teach us right from wrong and hopefully it will stick in our heads. I guess we will just have to trust that our parents will have more family dinners forcing us to converse with each other. So maybe ten years from now, we will preserve the face to face communication and have some morals that the technology does not teach us.


A morning coffee....got me with all these thoughts this morning. For the rest of my day, I will meet up with this new male friend of mine (i think he wants more than friends), I don't know if I am ready for that but I will see. Then I have plans to really get my grad school homework done and also beyond. By beyond, I mean read beyond the assignments that they gave me. Our last round table conversation, it brought up some authors, books, etc. that I was not familiar with. I want to read those to....


At this time, it seems like no time. Lastly my day will end with workout and teaching my Afro Russe Dance Class. A morning coffee....brings so many possibilities.

monday

i woke up this morning with a new attitude. one thing about being on my own, i have a lot of time to think about things. this could be a good thing or bad thing. today it was a good thing. i woke up this morning determined to do some work. i had a schedule and everything. one thing on my schedule was to get out of the house at 9:30am. OK! i got out at 10:30am but i look fresh

i took care of myself this morning. i got some make up on and some real clothes. being a dancer, i tend to just wear some baggy  pants or my dance dresses.

BUT today i felt like i was apart of the society. so.....i became more of the society. i went to the library. i using the wi-fi and im working. getting those small things that i needed to get down.

so.....i start my monday off by getting out of bed and praying and getting ready for what the day has to offer.....

Its morning!

Bright and early in the morning, I am in Savannah, GA working on a contracted production for my dance company, MufukaWorks. Yea! this is a life for people who have no commitments to anyone but themselves. This got me thinking: Am I ready for a relationship at this point? Will continue this thought later, I am getting ready to leave for work now.

do i really need to prove anything?

An interesting start to my day, i could not sleep last night so i went to Denny's (wi-fi) YES! I sat there and ate breakfast and did alot of work. I felt productive with my life and I got ready to go to Ballet Class. I had an interesting conversation with my ballet teacher. Yes! even as dance teacher myself, i still need class. As I took my class today, I did wonder: does that nervious feeling ever go away. I am a little stable in my dance career at this point. BUT I still get nervious when I take class. Checking my alignment and all. The same things, I teach to my kids in class. Yes! for those hours during the week. The kids become my kids just for those split moments.

My mission is not to make them into professional dancers (if that is there journey, my classes will take them there) but my main purpose is molding their character for life. With the displine of dance, they learn through structure and their character becomes stronger. Today I get ready to teach at this workshop outside my town, I am the choreographer for this big production. Do I get nervious when I choreography?

Not really, it is different nerves that run through me. It is nerves of the kids after I am done. I wonder if they got my spirit of teaching. I wonder if they know that they are powerful beyond measure. That they hold the power to be GREAT really GREAT.

I accomplished alot this week. The company records stuff is almost complete and as for my grad school stuff. Right on schedule. Personal life....working on it.

As I seat in this coffee shop, I reflect on everything. In a year being back home in the states. Do I really need to prove anything to people? Really do I work hard for people? No! I trust my creator and the people will witness his work within me.

Choices

In reflection of this year, I realized that I am turning 25 years old next year. Today that is all I could focus on 25 years old is a milestone and I obsessed over it. Then I got over it and I went back to reflecting on this year. This year was some year. As November 2010 approaches, I realized it will mark my one year of being back in the states. So what have I done since being home.

Started my own company and grad school. Even if these things are important to me. My biggest reflection of the year, it has been my personally growth.

I still struggle but I deal with situations better. I try to breath more. I don't know just keep reading...I got to get ready for my teaching gig.

What do I represent?

I represent the American Dream.In the late 70s  my father came to the states for college. He later married my mother from his home country, Zimbabwe, and brought her to the states. My little brother and I were born and it was evident from the start. We were their American Dream. My parents had given us everything to succeed but ultimately it was our life.

I spent some time back in the Continent of Africa. South Africa to be exact and I reflected back on the place where my blood running through my veins had come from.  I reflected back there for two years.  It was enlightening that I was finally on my own. It was not easy and I will do it again because it helped shaped the person that I am today.

Now I am back in the country that I was born in. AMERICA....I do see America differently. I really do see what the fuss is all about now. "If you put the work in, you really can do anything here."

My choice is to be a company owner just like my father. Being a company owner, it requires 24 hours of work. My 7 hours after that go to graduate school. 

Yes! I am in graduate school and both endeavours are hard on me.

This is why I stayed home after church today. I put on some Jazz music and lit some candles. I went to sleep then I woke up to organize some things in the house. I also turned off my phone.-this rarely happens.

Now I reflecting on the whole day. I feel ready for the week to come. Now wonder why God made the seventh day for resting. He really makes sense. I believe his smart.

I represent the American Dream. It is pressure to make something out of myself because I was given the tools from my parents. I know they what me to be happy so the pressure does begin to lessen when I put it into that perspective. Now I begin to climb my ladder to the American Dream....I represent the American Dream for my parents and now I will represent the American Dream for myself and my kids to come.

"The purpose of having kids will be for them to surpass you one day." - my Daddy

NOT AFRAID

About a year ago in September, I went down to my knees and I cried. I could not do it anymore. I ASKED YOU TO TAKE OVER. I cried. I cried. I cried. I ASKED YOU TO TAKE OVER. For the longest time, I did it on my own. I had no idea how I did it on my own. I ASKED YOU TO TAKE OVER.

I saw you take over other people's lives and I saw how you helped them. So I watched them on how they lived. I watched them and I followed their example.

I ASKED YOU TO TAKE OVER.

I went down to my knees and I cried. I could not do it anymore. At this moment, I feel like that again. That same low feeling when I went to my knees. I cried. I could not do it anymore.

I saw you take over other people's lives and I saw how you helped them. I watched them and I followed their example.

I did what I saw. The whole routine of going to worship, study sessions, and even the socials.

It got me to really change and things in my life were changing for the best. You were helping me. It did take you a long time but you did help me.

BUT I came back into little sins. The same sins that brought me to my knees. It was just a little sin here and there. It is not that bad. BUT then I realize, I did not watch closely on the other people that you helped.

LIKE what did they do behind close doors. They probably prayed and cried more asking you to help more. When they come out into the world, they were Good because you were inside them.  I missed that part. I was working for your LOVE and not allowing you to just LOVE. I was working for rewards and not allowing you to just LOVE me. and now! I see that you want that LOVE back to.

So I am slowly coming out of my own energy, I pray for you to  release those little sins from me. NO BIG SINS because anything not obedient to your word is BIG.

I am heading to bed now. My reflection of the day:
1) my dance classes that i teach went well. My Afro Russe Robics Class is getting more dancers. I love teaching non dancers of the  fabulous and grown age range for Afro Russe Robics. BECAUSE I feel so good inside especially when their bodies begin to change for the better. The students being older gives me the opportunity to learn so much from their life stories.

-I got some library time in. I even order two books Bird by Bird and A whole new mind
- I talked to an interesting person today in the library and he reminded me that their our other people out there wondering about you.

3) Yoga at dancing dogs yoga was good. My intention was for stretching exercise and I definitely fulfilled it.

4) The invoices went out today. I am learning how to be more business professional.
5) I cooked and a warm bath in epsom salt.

on the surface sounds great huh

What to work on tomorrow?
- I pray for you to give me encouragement for Grad School assignments. You blessed me for a reason and I need to remember to put in the work because I do belong there.

-Ill repent today

As I listen to Eminem's Not Afraid....I remember what I read from you long ago...Fear is not option. Ok! I paraphrased it.

I ask you to take over completely.

HELLO READERS!

So it is 3:00am, I am listening to Sunshine TV. It is a you tube channel and she (Sunshine) talks about her journey on how Sunshine Products came along. On top of that, she is my friend.

However she is not the reason that I am up. I am up because I am a workaholic. When I have ideas for my company, I can not rest. I am currently developing even more my consultanting concentration in my company.

The Wanda Project, Upcoming Dance Audition.

September 11, 2010 at 10:00am - 12noon. Johnson C. Smith University, Charlotte, NC.

I am just finishing up social networking this audition on facebook and other sites.

Personally today, I meant some young adult Christians in a coffee shop and they were meeting today. For months I have been looking for a group like them, God has provided them to me. It has been long journey growing with God and I must say this moment....

I have been slipping. When I asked for like minded friends six months ago, he provided for me now. In this  time, I am the most un-obedient. He has his ways of looking out for me.

I must say: this is the hardest time for me right now....

Did I mention that I am 24 years old and it is a Friday? I am working on the computer.

WELCOME!

As long as I can remember, I have always writing in journals. At 24 years old, I have about 24 completed journals.  My little brother always asked me: "What do you write in your journals?" In response, I said: "EVERYTHING". When I was younger, my mother (Zimbabwean) opened my journal.  She said: "I have every right to read your journal; I brought it."

At the time, I will never admit this but she was right. Frankly I am glad that she did it because she was able to read my inner most thoughts.  After she did that she had come to the conclusion of me being a slight bit CRAZY:)  She told me to be careful because one day my journal writing might get me into trouble. 

I listen to my mother and especially now in life. ESPECIALLY now that I pay BILLS. I worship the ground she walks on because I do not know at all. HOW DID MOM handle the BILLS with us? I came from a two parent home so I thank both of them everyday for raising us. AND PAYING THE BILLS. My father says: it was his responsibility for I did not ask to come into this world.

I still thank them.

I listen to Mom and I thought deeply about her advice long time ago. She has been right because my personal journal writing  has gotten me into trouble. People have found my journal and have gotten upset. The truth hurts. 

At this moment, I am a company owner so I must preserve the image of my company. Shall I be writing so much of my personal life online? What will people think? What happens years from now someone pulls this up when I am famous? Will they hold this information against me?

Then I thought about my catch phrase: "If you can feel, you can DANCE." Yes readers! I have a dance company and my company's main mission is education. Education is the driving force in all four concentrations of my company. Dance Education, Dance Performance, Events, and Consulting. I educate people of High Art Dancing through all four concentrations. Overall bringing the art of the dance to the world.

In my first year of  the company, I have seen lives transforming.  In the Dance Education program, I have all first year dancers. They have grown so much and many break throughs have occurred.

I am happy so my company relies on me giving my all. Personally and Professionally

Why the Blog now? It is a risk but it is worth it.  For all my supporters and future supporters, I am inviting you into my life of many responsibilities and how do I juggle it all (Kuronga Ronga). 

Normally I write my full biography but I want to reveal it slowly to you.  Through my writings, I hope for educating another person out there on just living life and I hope for a person out there to do the same for me. 

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