anixety

Anixety! I did not have this word in my vocabulary until this morning.  I had it in my vocabulary this morning because last night I could not sleep . Literally I laid my head down for three hours and I woke up just crying thinking of the past and the future.  i had so much stuff inside me that I finally let it out. 

Over and over...I went through my head of wondering whatever happen to that person maybe i should stayed in that counttry. Why did i go to that school?

Maybe i will not be in the situation that i am in now. You wonder, what situation?

The situation of having anixety in my vocabulary.  As i turned on my Christian radio station (88.7), a pastor was talking about anixety and preaching on it not being Godly.

Immediately I was like that was exactly what I had last night. Anixety!

HIS RIGHT! It is not Godly

For a moment, I forgot where God had brought me out of to get me to this not so bad point.  I forgot about having moment of realization: I had to go through that to be able to understand deeper about some things.  So when I was closer to where I want to be. I will remain strong in his word and not crumble.  I forgot for a moment that he promised me never to leave me.  I forgot about his unpedictable love.  I forgot for moment that my purpose is to serve him and most of all be the image of his son, Jesus Christ.

The whole reason why he brought him here to show us; how to live...

How could I forget so easily? When I was there in a unknown country.  It was him who protected me.  How could I forget so easily when he blessed me with my own company? As soon as it got harder, I broke down into a word, anixety. 

This morning during that sermon. I had a name for not sleeping last night. After that sermon, I realize that I need to repent on not trusting my Lord. 

Anixety was in my vocabulary this morning and is out of my vocabulary now.