THE TIME IS NEAR

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqOqo50LS

As I look back on how time heals, I reflect back on how much that I have grown.  He has been gone for every it seems and I still think about him.  But, I never loosed myself.  I became a stronger version of me.  I learned how to lean on God even more.  I was reminded about a story in the Bible that tells about the birth of Issiah.  He was born on human action.  For his mother told his father, have sex with the maid and he he came out.  Issiah was a hassle to raise.  Fourteen years later Issac came, God was going to bless them anyways with a child but they lost patience.  Through this process, I have learned that I am loved by many.  I have learned not to act by fear when making decisions.  I have learned to be patient taking one day at a time.  Many people, they say that everything happened to him and i because we are not for each other.  However, I could not erase the fact that direct feeling when I meant him.  I knew than and I know now to take my time allowing to manifest on God's timing.  Until then, I pray for my love ones to trust my relationship with God and allow me to take time in my decision.  The time is near.

What I am reading?

In a lounge "Red", I came across this book called "A love of her own" by Cheris F. Hodges.  Red is located in Noda Charlotte, NC. I am so happy to come across  this book. It is really hard for me to put it down.  It is a romance novel but it really is about allowing yourself to really live your life not the life everyone wants you to live.  Now, I am only half way through the book. It may have a twist at the end but it is what I am getting out of it thus far. 

 

This weekend, I have been off and the weekend is over. It went by so fast but I still felt productive in a way.  What I did? wrote in my journal, slept alot, watch plenty of TV, read, and church.  The perfect weekend.  I did look back and this weekend last year. I actually was with a whole different family and the family that raised me.  I never thought about it until now.  I do wonder: how my family felt?  Not to have me for Christmas, I assume that they understood.  You know that we should never assume.  They probably just dealt with it. 

Looking back, I became a woman this year. I really came in my own.  It is funny because at 14 years old. I thought that I was woman then. However, I really became a woman on this age of 26 years old. I really did not know anything at 14 years old and I still have a long ways to go.   My mother's birthday is today.  She is my inspiration because I only pray to be half the woman of her.  She is amazing in her own light.  She has rising above so many struggles and she still stands strong with grace.  I am my mother's daughter. One day, I want us to stand as woman and just acknowledge each other.  Just tell each other, you doing good woman.  Happy Birthday mother and may more wisdom come your way.Wow! I am excited to see what this new year will bring. One thing, I know for sure that I will stand for righteous.

It is not that heavy

Dear Readers,

Today, I put myself in full exposure. For months, I have held something truly heavy in my heart. The core of my hurt that I do not want to dishonor the people whom birth me.  When you are birthed, you are made up of all their entailed.  They gave you life and made you whom you are.  Then, you grow up and you hold all that in you.  It becomes your duty to never dishonor that because it is whom you are. 

For the past months, I had a great wind in my life that interrupted all of that so I thought.  But, it is because of my upbringing, I know that I am stronger. I know that my choices must be in God's eyes. I learned that from watching it during my upbringing. I learned not even knowing it because they never said it out loud. They just lived the testimony of what its like to walk truly in God's light.  I had a great wind in my life not to interrupt but made me give it all to the Lord because the first time in my life. I have to make a real choice. 

So, I am faced with the biggest decision in my life.  It is not that heavy but whatever the choice. I know that its a choice that I have to live with my entire life.  So, I want to thank my birthing of giving me sound advice to really think of what am I doing. I truly listen.Without them, I will not even think of the realm of what I deserve.  I hate to tell them to wait on my decision because it hurts them dearly.  In my own process, I have to do this.  So, I let everything go so I could pray and ask God. What do you want me to do? I do not want it heavy on my heart anymore. I know it is not suppose to be heavy when you trust God.  

I am praying about it every day and all I need is time to wait for the answer. I am now walking in my spiritual walk not my walk of what I want but what I need. 

To my readers, I urge you to think about your choices. It shall not be heavy.  If it is what truly needs to be, let it be and seek God for guidence in your choice.  I say this because I myself has to work on this.  I am truly am blessed to have a circle of support around me and my intentions are to never dishonor them and I know whatever my choice its going to be. It will be a difficult one not heavy either way.  I trust God will guide me through it all. Question: What are you holding heavy on your heart and is it truly that heavy? 

"The true test of walking in the spirit will not be the way we act but the way we react to the daily frustrations of life.-Beverly LaHaye