a new beginning

It is the wee hours of the morning.  I have just worked all night and not even feeling sleepy.  I noticed how much I do miss him. When I am not busy running around dancing, studying, finding new ways of making money, working, I realize more in the quietness that I miss him. I must have been in love to keep thinking of a person months later after the relationship.  

Like I say all the time, it will be the saddest thing to have meant the love of your life and never be with that person.  Well, whose to say love is enough because so many things were so wrong.  So, I had to make that decision to let him go. Everyone around me, they co-signed on it to. They did not like him anyways.  Well, it is something to dance about.  

When I am in my most hurt moments, I dance the best.  It brings me clarity better than therapy.  Lord knows how much therapy that I have been to.  His probably laughing up there because I keep trying earthly things.He gave me the gift of dance to work out my emotions but I still keep trying earthly things. One day, I will learn how to give everything to you Lord. I promise.  

This week is hectic.  I am moving. I like to move because I feel like a new beginning has come.  It is about the 10th time that I have moved in 3 years maybe the last.  The thing about new beginnings you never get to build a future because your always starting over.  

As the year ends, it was a bad and good year.  I meant the love of my life. We not together now. I finished my second year of grad school. I have not finished my thesis yet.  I lost weight only because I was sad over my relationship.  But God, I got closer to him more than ever. I leaned on him that he had to pick me up. I got a job. I have a place to stay. I survived a new city.  I loved and maybe there is still hope. I danced. 

To my new beginning, this time: I will be building a future.